New year – new decision

To be an ideal guest, stay at home.

    E.W. Howe


I am standing by the window looking at the cars passing by on Willingdon Avenue, people rushing home with food containers and bottles from BC Liquor Store. For the first time in my life, I am not part of that pre-New-Year’s hustle. For the first time in my life, I am just letting it all pass by me.

I am not sick. I was even invited to a couple of New Year’s gatherings (surprising, because I have been in this city less than a year). I was born in Russia, so New Year’s is kind of a big deal to me. It is, indeed! But what else is important to me is, you know, me.

It is a little scary, to step into the New Year just by yourself, without having anybody by your side. It will be a first for me; I am 27, so 27 New Year’s Eves I spent with people. My family, my friends, my exes, my family’s friends, my friends’ exes… Of those 27 New Year’s Eves, maybe only a couple didn’t make me wish I was elsewhere.

Over the past couple of days, a couple of people (surprisingly, aged and experienced) told me that it’s a good day to be with someone. Duh. In response, I wanted to ask, what do they suggest I do in this city (again, new to Vancouver)? Find some random people to celebrate the New Year’s with? Just to be with someone?

Obviously, I would like to be with someone this evening. No doubt. However, I am familiar with the disappointment that comes after a New Year’s celebration you join to avoid feeling left out. Also, to avoid admitting that you are, in fact, lonely.

So many times I have seen those lonely faces. People that always have somebody to text/call at midnight. I was one of them. You see, the point is… I am such a huge believer of living in the present moment. I am too selfish to sabotage my own beliefs, and too selfish to settle. I mean, too selfish to do it once again – in fact, sabotaging my beliefs and settling was exactly what I have successfully been doing throughout years.

So here is my statement. My plan for this New Year’s is not to watch any Russian old-school New-Year’s movies, not to watch Putin’s yearly speech, not to eat any mayonnaisy salads, not to kiss anybody at midnight, and not to fulfill a bunch of other Canadian or Russian traditions. My plan is to maybe have a drink and go to bed soon after midnight. No waiting for a ride, no hangover on the first day of the year, no regrets, no questioning like “would t it be better if I just stayed home?” I wanted to do this for years, and here I am staring at the window with a glass of Baileys (yes, no champagne or wine for me, please). I am okay being judged for it; at the very least I know that by doing this I am giving myself love and care, more than anybody at a random New Year’s party could do.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am wishing you more healthy selfishness (however you see yours), wisdom and mindfulness in the year 2018. Connect with yourselves and be picky about your surroundings.

Happy New Year!



About shyzandra

Linguist, runner, INFP
This entry was posted in Confessions, Reflection and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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